The Amazing Hand-pressing Flash Light

Before the holidays have faded completely from our hearts and our minds (and considering how painful it was to get the kids up and out to school today, I think we're pretty much there), I want to share with you the amazing gift I received this year from my friend Deanne and her family:

The incredible HAND-PRESSING FLASH LIGHT!

Now, I'm sure the first thing you're asking is "what the heck does 'hand-pressing' mean?" Let's just say that the true meaning and value of this device doesn't end with its name.

Even without reading the side of the packaging, I was suitably impressed. It's a flashlight that doesn't need batteries. If you squeeze the 'trigger' repeatedly, it charges the light for a very long time. Cool, but not earth-shattering, right? WRONG!

Now, let's read the fine print on the side of the box to get the full value of the item:

1) This product is a new science and technology product and made with high and new science and technology. (Thank heavens. I *hate* when my new science and technology products are made with LOW and OLD science and technology...) It can illuminate only placing it in rhythm. (Personally, I always found the rhythm method to be unsatis... oh, wait, I digress)

2) No need any power, no environmental pollution. (..and in this sentence, no subject either. Learn your grammar, kids!) Low noise and health. (Low health? That doesn't sound very good) Comparing with common torch, it can be several times on lift. (Um... great!)

But here's where the really good stuff starts. Get ready. But if you try to say this out loud, take a deep breath first:

3) Constantly using this health torch, it can benefit to your palm, arm and shoulder stretching and blood circulation, so as to let your hands relax and brain clever, hand and brain coordinate and promote your brain memory and health composition.

See? See? Isn't that amazing?

Ever since I read this, I've been constantly using this light. Already I feel my brain clever. (Unfortunately, I had hoped that the 'benefit to my palm' might get rid of the hair that grows on it, but no such luck.)