Venus Kid Trap... Guaranteed to Work!!

Try this, as a fun experiment to attract children:

Step 1

Throw an old mattress out on your lawn.

Step 2

Stand back.

Step 3

Observe the number of children that are inexplicably drawn to jump, bounce, leap, flip, and karate-chop the mattress for an extended period.



Warning: DO NOT ATTEMPT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, TO TRY AND ACTUALLY DISPOSE OF SAID MATTRESS FOR AT LEAST TWO WEEKS. DOING SO WILL RESULT IN SEVERE EMOTIONAL DISTRESS, WHINING, AND CARRYING ON.

MAKE SURE TO WAIT UNTIL THE MATTRESS HAS ALREADY TOTALLY KILLED A SQUARE PATCH OF YOUR LAWN, AND GOTTEN WET, DIRTY, AND MILDEWY ENOUGH THAT THE CHILDREN WILL RELUCTANTLY CONDONE ITS DISPOSAL.