I'd Like to Teach the World to Phone, In Perfect Harmony...

Wow, do I ever *love* getting phone calls like this. Not.

Has this ever happened to you?

ring ring.

"Hello?"

"Did someone just call here?"

"Pardon me?"

"Did someone just call here? Your number is on my phone!!"

Ah. Now we come to the crux of the matter.

Call display.

The ability for someone to see the name and number of the person calling them. Or, perhaps, the name and number of a person who called recently.

It can be a useful feature. I use it myself. It helps me make a little more informed decision regarding whether I answer the phone or not. There are, in fact, callers who, for one reason or another, I prefer not to speak to at a given time. Such as: Political party representatives; Carpet cleaning salespeople; *any* kind of telemarketer actually; and even... occasionally... my bank or credit card company (... whenever they call, I know what they want to tell me already, so I'm just saving them the time).

But see, I'm a reasonable adult with a normal sized brain.

I think there should be a quick oral test for people who want this feature. It would consist of the phone company employee asking the applicant what size his or her brain is. If the answer ranges somewhere between "pea" and "walnut", that person should be denied the service.

However, until such an acid test is put into place, let me make a couple of suggestions for the neanderthals among us who have call display:

1) Before you call to harass the person whose number appears on your phone, CHECK FIRST TO SEE IF THEY LEFT A MESSAGE.

2) If they left a message, LISTEN TO IT.

3) If they didn't leave a message, FORGET ABOUT IT AND GO BACK TO WHAT YOU WERE DOING!!! MAYBE IT WAS A WRONG NUMBER AND THEY JUST REALIZED IT WHEN THEY HEARD YOUR VOICE MESSAGE!!!!

Arg.

For the record, the conversation I had today with one of these people would have been resolved by suggestions number one and two. When I asked, "Did you get my message?" his only reply was, "I've only got the number", which, translated, means "I'm too stupid to think about checking messages, and too ignorant to admit that I'm that stupid. Please don't use words with too many syllables wnen interacting with me."

OK, I feel better now.