Sunday, October 23, 2005

Tennis Balls

I suppose I could have also named this post "The Nutcracker... NOT Sweet Part 2".

If you read my previous post on this topic, you know how guys all have one or more really good stories about getting that particular type of injury. Here's my story.

When I was about nineteen or twenty, I took my friend Russ out to the tennis courts to whack the ball around a bit. Now, Russ was NOT a tennis player. I had no expectations of anything other than a little good natured running around. Generally, a lot of his shots went into the net, or out of the court, but a few would come back over the net to me so I could hit them back.

So here's how it happens: I'm standing there on my side of the court, waiting for Russ to try and serve the ball over the net. He hasn't been having a lot of luck with his serves so far. To my left, I hear a voice saying, "Excuse me?". I glance over to see a young woman outside the fence, who asks if I know what time it is.

At this point, and I've never been certain HOW it happened, but Russ manages to hit the most powerful and accurate serve of his entire life, EXACTLY as my attention is directed towards the girl. The tennis ball zooms over the net in a downward direction, bounces somewhere in front of me, then begins an upward trajectory directly into the worst possible place it could end up. My groin.


In one split second, I change from a healthy young male into a sack of potatoes. All strength vanishes from my limbs, and I collapse to the ground. I'm not sure if I took a step or two before collapsing, or if I rolled after I fell, but I ended up in the grass alongside the court. The universe was much smaller for me at that point. I'm aware of pain, and grass in my face. That's it.

I manage to glance over at Russ, and I find that he's also on the ground. Because he's laughing so hard. My dear friend.

At the time of impact, the girl asking for the time ceased to exist for me, along with everything else. But I always wonder whatever happened to her. At the very least, she ended up with a good story too.

And there you have it. Now, if anyone ever mentions a tennis related injury, like tennis elbow, you can tell them about my...

Tennis balls.


At 12:55 AM, Anonymous Russ said...

That's exactly how I remember it also, and it still brings a little
Not too much of a chuckle because I could then and still now feel your
Who am I kidding, I laugh out loud.


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