Thursday, December 01, 2005

Blinded by the Force

A few weeks ago, Burger King released another line of cool little Star Wars toys to coincide with the release of the new Star Wars movie on DVD. Just like they did several months ago, to coincide with the release of the movie in theatres

However, THIS time I think I have an explanation of why I obsessively traveled from Burger King to Burger King trying to get the ones we didn't have yet... and especially the toy which we came to recognize as the Holy Grail of Star Wars toys... cute little Yoda.

They beamed the message directly into my brain.

Let me explain.

Each toy has its own 'thing.' Last time, some of the toys would move their arms when you wind them up, or vibrate, or walk around, or even (this will be important later) have a hole in the bottom which you could look through to see a picture from one of the movies.

THIS time, the toys had a new 'thing.' Some of them were spin tops, and some of them had little holes in the bottom like last time.

Here's where the problem developed.

On our first trip to Burger King, one of the toys had a little hole in the bottom. Naturally I expect to see a picture from the movie. So I look into it. Nothing happens. Upon further examination, I see a button on the toy's back as well. So I put my eye up to the hole, and press the button.

BZZZZOOWWWRNNNKKKKKKK.

This time the toy was a projector which projects a picture a short distance away with a red light.

So, basically, I pressed the button, and projected a red laser light directly into my brain. (Okay, maybe it wasn't a LASER light, but I might have argued with you at the time).

Needless to say, I was a little surprised.

Only now, with the passage of time, do I recognize the insidiousness of Burger King marketing.

At the time, I simply thought that I nearly blinded myself. Now, I realize that there was probably a secret message encoded in the light which acts on a subconscious level, instructing the victim to acquire all the Star Wars toys that they offer.

Now that I've figured it out, I feel better. I'm simply an unwitting victim, rather than a totally obsessive geek.

Right?

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